It is hitting me rather hard tonight that my baby girl starts kindergarten this week. She is over the moon excited and thrilled to be starting this new adventure. She is not even the least bit nervous. She is leaving that task to her parents. Tomorrow is our orientation and meet the teacher. We are calmed in knowing that we got the teacher we requested who came with glowing recommendations. Hopefully she will be a good fit for our daughter as well.
I have a list of questions for the teacher and after school program. I am trying to imagine Allison's routine as she will be on her own when I drop her off under the covered walkway. I wish there was a couple days of dress rehearsal allowed where we could just walk the path to her classroom. It would make me feel better anyway. I am not sure whether to always send her lunch or to let her buy. Her lunch time will be at 10:30 am, do I pack a snack? Will she even get to eat one if I do? Is she going to be starving by the end of the school day? I feel guilty for sending her to after school program every day although I only need it twice a week, but I am petrified that she will get mixed up and end up on the sidewalk feeling abandoned when I am not in the car line on some random Tuesday or Thursday.
I have this pit in my gut that I am sending my child happily into a big black abyss where I have no control or visibility. On the outside I am waving and smiling, but on the inside I am angst ridden and worried sick. I keep trying to reassure myself that I have attempted to foster independence in Allison and in many ways I feel like I have been successful. On the other hand, it makes me emotional to think of her as feeling lost or unsettled and I think that is my biggest fear in this big world of elementary school.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring some reassurance and answers. I am certain that Allison will show great confidence and I will show my overprotective paranoid mother traits as we walk the route from the car line to the classroom several times. I think I may test her and send her independently with myself and Daddy as the two end points. That may be the most genius idea I have had all day.
I need to trust my daughter a little more. I have conversations with her and am awed by her quiet security that she has this school thing under control. School is her sweet spot that she thrives in and I think she already knows that. She will flourish under the structure and opportunity for learning that she craves. I really am excited to see what new skills and new ideas she comes home with as she is no longer a pre-schooler. This is the big time show and I know she will shine. I am the one who is shaking like a leaf behind the curtains with stage fright.
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